I've spent a lot of time googling reasons why guys like to be ignored, and I know what you're thinking-- it's the chase. Before the era of modern man, flowers and chocolate, the stone aged dude would go about dating in this fashion:
Guy clubs the most resistant chick over their Paleolithicly-thick cranium, impregnates them, slaps on a cooking smock, sends them to the kitchen with a furry baby, and drinks delicious homemade ale while hunting, hairy and naked, with their homo erectus buddies. He had tamed his prey-- and she (or the non-alpha-he, depending on the validation of gay relationships in the Paleolithic era) had been pissed on as his property. Overtime, though, the Greeks made Urophilia a fetish, evolution made skulls a bit less blunt object resistant, and those pesky human rights people said domestic violence was oh-so-wrong.
And thus begins the modern world of guerilla warfare dating.
Cavemen aside, I believe Guerilla Warfare Dating is the modern "love-club": If you want someone bad enough, you have to be completely unattainable. You have to ignore, ignore, ignore, and the second you show any kind of neediness vulnerability-- you'd better pack it up, get some cats, and call it quits, because you've just raised your giant white panties flag.
My friend Connie is a blond, five-foot-two-twenty-something hottie, New York activist, and general do-gooder. She met this guy, Rex, through a mutual friend and quickly there were fireworks. Tall, dark and successful, Rex seemed to be perfect and he definitely had eyes for her. But, after months of not knowing where their relationship stood, Connie decided it was time for her to put on her "honesty bra" and tell him how she felt. And three weeks later, Connie still hadn't heard back from him. It wasn't until her mutual friend invited her to an event where Rex would inevitably attend, that the caveman, himself, saw what he was missing. Connie used her "booby traps." "Booby traps" meaning, she was hot, loved by the crowd, and... completely but not impolitely ignored him.
"Man, I really screwed up," Rex told the mutual friend.
Another friend, Alex, is a gorgeous latina who works in a professional setting. While other girls gushed over a particular swivel chaired hottie, Alex just did her job (A tactic I call/ is called in Guerilla warfare Maquis.) In her head (or from high ground), Alex noticed he was attractive, but never really gave him any reason to think she would be laying across his desk anytime soon. That's right, she kept her forest thick (no pun intended,) used the higher ground, and her swivel chaired hunk of man didn't know what hit him. A month later she was ignoring his phone calls, texts and putting her instant messager on invisible, because he had gotten a taste of something he had definitely liked. Too bad the feeling wasn't exactly mutual.
And then there's my last Guerilla warfare tactic, and probably the most important: Cu Chi tunneling, or what I would like to call "Sec Si tunneling." My friend Jessica, another hot blond, always had a thing for our friend Colin. Colin is a kind and sensitive artistic personality, so coming at him using any other tactic might scare him away. So their relationship was based on... friendship-- the simplest and most powerful tool there is in the dating world. She "dug a tunnel" to his heart so to speak. Unsuspecting Colin wouldn't make the first move, although he was interested in Jessica, and Jessica kept it light and slightly flirtatious. Next thing Colin knew he was skipping work to hang out, acting ridiculously to impress her and making out with her on a couch.
These partial success stories might show feminine sexual empowerment, but they're hardly the norm. Believe me, I've talked to so many girls, gay men, gayish straight men, and lesbians who just seem to be clueless. Those same people often say things like "Why do we have to play games? That's so immature!" The sad truth is, these games are what make the world go round. Your parents successfully (and unsuccessfully) played these games, their parents played the same games as well. It's a vicious cycle, but we have to do it. Sadly, I'm no exception to the "why?!" crowd. There have been too many times where I've sat by my phone sending one too many texts, e-mails, Instant messages and phone calls to that certain person that I wish would claim my heart... and that's where the problem is. You can't want someone to claim your heart. It doesn't happen like that... at all.
Bottom line: We're still the same kind of animal as we were in our monkey days. So, give the hunter in every guy something to work for. No one likes free meat. It's usually spoiled.
-DS